I am going to resign. I have been trying to find another job in Singapore but not desperately trying because I have scheme what I plan to do if the worse case scenario happens. Which is going back to Indonesia.
I want to take 6 months break from job hunting. I want focus my time to improve my skills. I want to review my Japanese skills, improve my drawing skill, pick up digital coloring skill and pick up other skills that relate to my field of work, read design books, read history books, read biology books, and other subjects that triggers my curiousity.
The sole purpose of this is I want to stimulate my brain and pick up new skills. I am hoping after 6 months I can revamp my portfolio and resume. So that I can apply for the job I want confidently, because I have the skills and sufficient knowledge. I barely have time to enrich myself, pick up new skills, or read books in my spare time while I am working. After work, I have an urge to socialize!
I have been working for 6 years. I feel unsatisfied about the works I have produced. Whenever I see my previous work, I always think I could do better. I feel like a robot at work. I'm losing my creativity. I do what I am told. I feel like I am out of track. No strong solid ground to defend or justify the reason of my artwork. I have to make a design that is beyond visually good. I want to make a design that answers the problem. I want to make a design that gives solution!
Every time I have interviews at companies that I am dying to work for, the interviewers are always doubting my skills. They said that I may have the potential but my portfolio isn't convincing! I am so jealous with my friends that have worked with big names.
My parents disapprove my idea. They think it's just waste of time and money. Their concept of success is working at a good company and earning a sum of money that can fulfill your desirable lifestyle. They are the type of persons that always look to the sky but doesn't realize that to reach the sky they have to build a rocket and to build a rocket they need a sufficient knowledge to build one.
My steps are stumbled. My breath is heavy. I feel like carrying weight on my shoulders.
I feel so tired...
I Am So Tired
Red Light District Tour
I went to Geylang area for a tour tonight. Even though I had been expecting to see this famous district of Singapore, this tour was not planned. I was scared that I would be harassed because I was wearing hot pants. An Indian guy who is staying at the same hostel with me said it should not be a problem. Girls are completely safe even at 2 am.
He is my guide to tour around the area. He said that the area was more lively about two years ago. He could see girls on the street. Now the girls are waiting inside the brothel. I passed by a brothel and I could see them sitting inside a big glass room. They looked like they were sitting inside a giant aquarium. The girls working in this area are Chinese, Thai, Bangladeshi, Spanish and even Indonesian.
At the other corner of Geylang, we met a group of transvestites from Thailand. There were around five or six of them. One transvestite was sitting on the side walk. His legs were wide open. No panties... I could see his bushy pubic hair!!! Oh bloody sweet Geezus! He was not pleased when we walked across them. He shouted at us in Thai and one of his friends chased us yelling, "Fuck you!" I was scared that he would beat us into a pulp.
At the other corner, we met a nice Malay Singaporean girl. She sat on the sidewalk with no panties and I could see her thing too. We had a little chat. She said that a decent girl walking in this area must be accompanied by a male companion. If not, the police officers will mistakenly think the girl is a prostitute and put her in jail.
I wanted to take some pictures around the area but I was afraid it would cause trouble. It was a thrilling experience. My feet are tired because of walking around the area. I am not going to revisit Geylang in any time soon. The transvestites really scared the shit out of me!
I Shouldn't Have Given Up My Bunk
My bedroom in my hostel is a big dormitory room with a lot of double bed bunks. I always prefer to sleep on the lower bunk because I can put up a cover around my bed. It feels like I am building a tent.
One day, a whole Malaysian family came to the hostel. Uncle Tong, the person in charge at that time, asked me to give up my bunk for one night. He would trade it with a better bunk in the female dormitory. I was happy to sleep in the female dormitory because it's cleaner, more private, and the bathroom has a big mirror.
The next day, I saw a big backpack on my bed. A new guest had taken over my bed!!! I had to sleep on the upper bed in the corner of the room. It was disaster because the ceiling was leaking at night when it was raining hard. The water hit me bull's eye on the forehead. CRAP!!!
I changed my head to the other direction of the bed and it was even worse. The air conditioner was a few centimeters above my head and it blew directly to my face. I got runny nose in less than a minute. I shouldn't have listened to the old man and this wouldn't have happened.
Luckily the guest only occupied the bed for two nights. I moved to my original bed as fast as I can when she moved out. It's good to have my bunk back.
Life After A Failure
Many books, talk shows, or workshops are talking about how to be successful or how to build habits that will lead to a successful life. So far, I haven't seen anything about life after a failure. People prefer not to talk about embarrassing things. After lost count of how many failures I've made. I would like to share some helpful points to keep going on with your life.
- Except yourself. Everybody fails. You are not the first person that fails and won't be the last either. A failure isn't the end of your life. Unless you decide to end your life by suicide.
- Analyze. Note down every important point that contributes to your failure. Every failure is a lesson to gain in experience. Make a comparison to another person that has successfully achieved the same goal as you. Analyze every point that contributes to his/ her success. Learn it and use it for your next attempt. If you are sick of trying, you should skip this point.
- Indulge yourself. Take a break from your daily life. Do whatever you like! Pursue your hobbies. If you don't have a specific hobby, do an activity that makes you happy. Make a beautiful memory of yourself. After some time, you'll say, "Been there, done that" to yourself. I won't explain it further. You know what it is.
- Make a short term goal. A short term goal is a practical goal and effortless to achieve. For instance, saving $1 of your salary is effortless. After some time it will amount to something.
- Write a book. I think I should publish a book about this topic after writing all those four points above. I could charge you some money for it but I share these points for free because I am generous.
What Would You Say?
A woman recently wrote a heartbreaking confession in the counseling section of a magazine that I read.
She was raped shortly after being wed. The rapist was her sister-in-law's husband. Her husband was being treated at a hospital and her sister-in-law was at the hospital to visit him at that time. The woman told her sister-in-law about the incident. Her sister in law asked her forgiveness and begged her not to disclose this to their families and relatives. She was heartbroken because no one stood beside her. Not even her husband. Her husband and her sister in law prefer to save themselves from embarrassment.
Shortly after, the woman was pregnant and gave birth to a son. Her sister in law adopted the woman's son as an act to redeem her husband's bad deed. Two decades later, the son is aspiring to be a pastor and is studying at a seminary now. The woman's heart wound hasn't healed. She is longing for her son to recognize her as his biological mother. Up until now, her son knew her as his aunt. The rapist has grown old, weak, and sick. She has been distant with her husband since that incident.
In that article, she is asking how to tell her son about the truth and what would be the best way to tell her son.
If I was her counselor, I would suggest her to take the truth to the grave for her son's good sake. It's cruel but it would be the best. Any sane mother would love to be recognized by her own flesh and blood but telling the truth might make the son hate the origin of his existence. He might also think that God has destined him to be a pastor as a redemption of his biological father's deed. Not because of his pure love of God . Moreover his son has many years in his life to come but the woman has reached her old age. The truth might hurt her son for the rest of his life.
What would you say if you were the counselor of that article?