I Am So Tired

I am going to resign. I have been trying to find another job in Singapore but not desperately trying because I have scheme what I plan to do if the worse case scenario happens. Which is going back to Indonesia.

I want to take 6 months break from job hunting. I want focus my time to improve my skills. I want to review my Japanese skills, improve my drawing skill, pick up digital coloring skill and pick up other skills that relate to my field of work, read design books, read history books, read biology books, and other subjects that triggers my curiousity.

The sole purpose of this is I want to stimulate my brain and pick up new skills. I am hoping after 6 months I can revamp my portfolio and resume. So that I can apply for the job I want confidently, because I have the skills and sufficient knowledge. I barely have time to enrich myself, pick up new skills, or read books in my spare time while I am working. After work, I have an urge to socialize!

I have been working for 6 years. I feel unsatisfied about the works I have produced. Whenever I see my previous work, I always think I could do better. I feel like a robot at work. I'm losing my creativity. I do what I am told. I feel like I am out of track. No strong solid ground to defend or justify the reason of my artwork. I have to make a design that is beyond visually good. I want to make a design that answers the problem. I want to make a design that gives solution!

Every time I have interviews at companies that I am dying to work for, the interviewers are always doubting my skills. They said that I may have the potential but my portfolio isn't convincing! I am so jealous with my friends that have worked with big names.

My parents disapprove my idea. They think it's just waste of time and money. Their concept of success is working at a good company and earning a sum of money that can fulfill your desirable lifestyle. They are the type of persons that always look to the sky but doesn't realize that to reach the sky they have to build a rocket and to build a rocket they need a sufficient knowledge to build one.

My steps are stumbled. My breath is heavy. I feel like carrying weight on my shoulders.

I feel so tired...

Red Light District Tour

I went to Geylang area for a tour tonight. Even though I had been expecting to see this famous district of Singapore, this tour was not planned. I was scared that I would be harassed because I was wearing hot pants. An Indian guy who is staying at the same hostel with me said it should not be a problem. Girls are completely safe even at 2 am.

He is my guide to tour around the area. He said that the area was more lively about two years ago. He could see girls on the street. Now the girls are waiting inside the brothel. I passed by a brothel and I could see them sitting inside a big glass room. They looked like they were sitting inside a giant aquarium. The girls working in this area are Chinese, Thai, Bangladeshi, Spanish and even Indonesian.

At the other corner of Geylang, we met a group of transvestites from Thailand. There were around five or six of them. One transvestite was sitting on the side walk. His legs were wide open. No panties... I could see his bushy pubic hair!!! Oh bloody sweet Geezus! He was not pleased when we walked across them. He shouted at us in Thai and one of his friends chased us yelling, "Fuck you!" I was scared that he would beat us into a pulp.

At the other corner, we met a nice Malay Singaporean girl. She sat on the sidewalk with no panties and I could see her thing too. We had a little chat. She said that a decent girl walking in this area must be accompanied by a male companion. If not, the police officers will mistakenly think the girl is a prostitute and put her in jail.

I wanted to take some pictures around the area but I was afraid it would cause trouble. It was a thrilling experience. My feet are tired because of walking around the area. I am not going to revisit Geylang in any time soon. The transvestites really scared the shit out of me!

I Shouldn't Have Given Up My Bunk

My bedroom in my hostel is a big dormitory room with a lot of double bed bunks. I always prefer to sleep on the lower bunk because I can put up a cover around my bed. It feels like I am building a tent.

One day, a whole Malaysian family came to the hostel. Uncle Tong, the person in charge at that time, asked me to give up my bunk for one night. He would trade it with a better bunk in the female dormitory. I was happy to sleep in the female dormitory because it's cleaner, more private, and the bathroom has a big mirror.

The next day, I saw a big backpack on my bed. A new guest had taken over my bed!!! I had to sleep on the upper bed in the corner of the room. It was disaster because the ceiling was leaking at night when it was raining hard. The water hit me bull's eye on the forehead. CRAP!!!

I changed my head to the other direction of the bed and it was even worse. The air conditioner was a few centimeters above my head and it blew directly to my face. I got runny nose in less than a minute. I shouldn't have listened to the old man and this wouldn't have happened.

Luckily the guest only occupied the bed for two nights. I moved to my original bed as fast as I can when she moved out. It's good to have my bunk back.