I submitted my graduation project yesterday. I still can't believe that I have so much free time now. I was so used to sleepless nights or getting worried of not getting good marks. Those worries are behind me now. But, I am starting to feel restless about life beyond studies.
I am not completely clueless about my to do list. I had been studying Japanese, Spanish and Latin before starting my postgraduate studies. The self-studies have been postponed for two years. So continuing to learn those languages is already on my list.
Studying has allowed me to embrace my individuality. To become my own person. Rather than being a machine, one of many, in a corporate world. But, it came with a consequence. I became financially unstable. It is such an irony. The world that I so despised is my financial salvation.
And so... the job hunting begins....
What's Next?
A Concerned Future Graduate
Is getting a higher qualification will secure you a better employment?
It seems like it when I was not pursuing my post graduate degree. I was under qualifications for the jobs I wanted. So I decided to save my salary to pursue Master's Degree in Multimedia Design. During the first week into my first semester, I felt like I could make my dreams come true.
I am in my last semester now about to graduate in six months. My graduation project is about UX design because it's my career aspiration after leaving university. I have little confidence about my qualifications. I think I wasted my money and my parents' savings for an overpriced degree. The learning experience wasn't fantastic. There were a lot of hit and miss during the learning process. During my independent studies, seems like what I am paying to learn at campus can be learned at home.
Forming a friendship at campus is artificial. Everybody is busy with their assignments. We talk with each other, occasionally, if we have group homework. We converse around school topics and our struggle looking for a part-time job. I have become more of a skeptic person than what I used to be. I aim to be a high achiever not because I believe it would help for a better employment but because my family and I have sacrificed a lot financially.
My teachers praised me for being able to think ahead of the other students during my graduation project. It doesn't boost my confidence though. In fact, it makes me more skeptical about my skills. Probably the teachers are suggested to praise any works of the students.
I consulted with them about the scope of my UX design. The teachers said that the outcome of my course is creating a designer not a developer. So I just have to create until prototype stage and a presentation in any format I am familiar with. My project will be considered a finished product if it is clear for a developer to carry out to the next process.
All seems easy and doable. But, I don't think in working environment it would be this easy. I am sure a developer will have some degree of involvement during design process. There are some process in the real world that isn't reflected in the class. I can say this because I had some experience in web design. Even back then, a programmer had some involvement in the design stage. So that the final outcome of the website would have a design aesthetics and functionality.
I am tired of studying. I like being in class and being a student. I like learning new things. What's the point of learning if I can't use my currently acquired qualifications to get a job?
The future is bleak.
Time
Social media is a good way to update myself about the life of my classmates. Some are married with kids, some are just married and expecting while some are still single but having a good job. It is not the achievement or the new chapter in their lives that I am going to comment. It is how fast the time flies.
Once, we were students carrying the course of the future in our hands. Now, we are the generation that will pass the course of the future to the next generation. I felt I always had the time of my life when I was younger. I could delay doing something and do it later, because I knew time could wait for me. Unfortunately, time does not wait for anyone.
Rich or poor, young or old, are given 24 hours a day. Time does not discriminate. If you lose money, you could make it up another time. But, if you lose your time, you waste your life. Our precious possession in life should not be money, luxury cars or homes. But, time itself.
You
My life was just alright before you. Neither bad or good. Just me, myself and I. Staying or leaving is just another option in life, because I have nothing to lose. I only have myself on my mind. "I'm alone and will always be alone," was my consolation mantra.
Now I know you. I have got reason to stay. But, the reason alone isn't enough. There's bigger power outside of my control. I will enjoy the moment while it lasts. If I have to go, I am happy that we met and have you as part of my life.
Thank you...
On Being A Student
My student life is like a party in the beginning. Starting the new passage of life was exhilarating. I said goodbye to my professional life and was anticipating my student life with much excitement. I traded the financial security with a hope that I could travel and explore the new home.
The office was my prison. I was merely a computer operator at work. An extension of the machine. A sentient being to generate money. Being shouted at, being bullied, being pressured were my weekdays routine. I locked myself in my room most weekends to get myself some space to breath. My room was my fortress. My own little bubble where I felt safe and could feel like a free person. Meeting people on some weekend was optional. An option to keep me sane from my self-isolation.
The new room, I'm living now, is my prison. Homeworks are my ball and chain. They follow me whenever I go. The works at the office were my ball and chain, but I left them at work. They didn't follow me or I took them home with me.
In real world, simple task can be challenging because some people play politics on you. In student's life, your challenge is time. The enemy is none other than yourself. Either sink or swim, you only have yourself to blame.
The campus seems the only place I could explore most of the times. Poking around at random suburbs is what I call travel now. Excitement has faded to another routine. Repetition of the same occurrences in different time and place.
I'm living the consequence of my choice. That sucks!